Sometimes I can’t understand why some people have so much hate in them. I was a bigot once, but even then, I don’t know why I am so hateful. It’s true that I wasn’t as tolerant as others like I am not but I didn’t tell people straight to their faces to “Get Lost” or “Go to hell” simply because it would hurt them and hurting others mentally was not something that I’m good at nor is it something that I would ever do. Of course, now that I’m way more socially liberal, I never got my answer to how some people are just plain heartless. It’s true that something like this, coming from a cold-blooded psychopathic killer is ironic but everyone that I killed turned out to be some kind of a jerk.
Someone told me once that “Just because you don’t know anyone belonging to a certain group, it doesn’t mean that you need to hate them,” and I couldn’t agree more. I guess that sometimes, everyone wants everything to follow the norm, to “follow a certain set of rules that are mplanted to you since the day you’re born,” as someone said to me once. “Whenever someone or a group of people refuse to follow these rule, everyone will hate, they will discriminate them and they will do everything they can to get these people to return to the core of the rule and be ‘normal again,” the person told me. It was then I realised why suicide rates among a certain group of people are sky-high. When I truly understood it, I felt guilty and disgusted at myself.
It’s true that I never told them to ‘get lost’ or ‘just die’, but I believe that my silence towards the discrimination that happens, sometimes, right in front of my eyes made me a murderer. I was a murderer even before I knew it and that is something that is never justifiable, even by the voices in my head. I knew that the only way for me to have my revenge was to start to kill everyone that was or is discriminating people for who they are. However, I was never sure that that’s everyone that died because of bigotry wanted me to do. I wasn’t sure that they would want the family of the people who hate them to suffer the same way their family did.
Sure they suffered a lot during their life and who knows if they are having better lives, now that they are dead. But if there’s something left in this soulless and heartless body of mine, it’s some sort of a compassion. Somehow I know that murder is not the answer. I know that the people who were murdered by hate and bigotry would forgive their murderers because they are all kind and loving people. They deserve to have their last wish fulfilled.