Hello, humans. This post was never meant to exist by someone like me who is mostly ‘cool’ about stuff (despite having about 10 posts roasting people). However, these days I couldn’t help noticing that small group of people who claim they’re Einstein but actually they are a bunch of idiots. A large portion of you who may or may not be affected by their stupidity but you still wonder how anyone can be so stupid in their actions. Don’t wonder any longer because this article will teach you all the things that you need to know. There won’t be any trigger warning anymore for any type of posts unless it’s serious.

1. Straight up don’t follow the rules.

You know those rules people expect you to follow anywhere you go such as during exams or when you are in the library? Ignore all of it. It’s stupid anyway, written by a group of people thinking they are smart who wants to control your liberty. In an examination, if the invigilator told you not to open your test paper until you are supposed to do so, ignore them. Just stand up on your desk, open your test paper and show it to everyone.

Then, if they still allow you to take your test, and you are supposed to answer all the questions, don’t do that. Just answer one-third of it. You are going to fail anyway so why bother. If you are supposed to answer one or two questions only, don’t bother answering at all. It’s clear that the examiner is too lazy to mark your answers and would have given you a zero anyway so, you might as well use the time to sleep.

Let’s say that you are in the library and the librarian told you to be quiet don’t bother. Most people plugged in their earphones anyway. They won’t be able to listen to you regardless of how loud you scream. Now that you know, next time when you enter the library just bring your friends along and start a band inside the library. Beat those drums all you want. Nobody will listen to you. The librarian? Well, just assume they’re deaf. Oh, and by the way, if it says no smoking, go ahead and smoke all you want. People around you dream of getting cancer so, you might as well be the one to make their dreams come true.

Now, imagine that you come to visit your friends or family in an apartment or a condominium. Instead of parking your car where you are supposed to, don’t even bother to do it because it wouldn’t make you ‘famous’ among the other people living there. What you want to do is to illegally park your car in the middle of the road and just before the security guard clamps your car’s wheel, make a dramatic entrance and accuse the security guard of being rude. Shout till your lungs fall off and repeatedly sound your car’s horn. I’m sure now that you will be famous among the inhabitants for being stupid. Who cares about you being rude. You make more than a security guard anyway.

2. Annoy someone as much as you can and when they retaliate, play the victim.

You know, some people will tell you that if you annoy someone so much, they will punch your nose or whatever so, you will stop. However, I’m here to tell you that it’s wrong to stop. Stopping means you are missing out a great opportunity. The correct way is to annoy them as much as you can.

You see, unless you stop, they won’t be crazy and start beating the crap out of you. And if they don’t beat you to plump, your mission is not successful and you need to try harder. For example, even after talking nonsense about that person non-stop and still, nothing happens, try to tell an offensive joke. Here are some that will offend them big time:

a) Jokes about their body weight

b) Jokes about their religion

c) Jokes about their disability

d) Jokes about their appearance

e) Jokes about their family

f) Jokes about their socio-economical class

After telling one of these types of jokes, they will probably retaliate by now. If they just start to call you names, you are one step closer to success. Don’t stop. Continue to offend them until they hit you. In fact, you must agitate them to hit you until at least they break your nose or something.  Now, you can play the victim game. Cry as much as you can so that witnesses will be on your side. It would be better if you fake depression as a result of being hit so that in the court, you can sue for more money. Now, that you are rich, why don’t you give some of your money to me, the person who taught you how to be rich in the first place.

3. Make a living out of other people’s hard work.

Yes, I’m telling you to start plagiarising other people’s work. Instead of doing something on your own. Just re-upload other people’s work. I’m not talking about copying those big and successful novels or movies. No no no. That will get you into some serious trouble for that. Instead, if you want to be a writer, copy and paste other small writers.

It would be better if you can repost someone else’s comic strip by putting in your own name in it comme ça:

i. Download the comic strip

ii. Crop out their name

iii. Add your name

iv. Add some emojis at the corners

If you want to be a YouTuber, you don’t have to do much. Just react to other Youtuber’s content without actually doing anything like this:

i. Download their videos into your computer

ii. Watch the video while recording yourself

iii. Upload the video that you recorded.

Note: You will get more views if you make yourself look stupid in the thumbnail

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Boom! Now you are making money out of people’s work with literally minimal to none effort whatsoever.

4. Go around fishing for attention that you don’t need.

Screen Shot 2017-08-27 at 9.49.56 PM.png

Being stupid alone isn’t enough. You still need people to give you a large amount of attention because you deserve it after training so hard to be an idiot. Essentially this is the last step nonetheless, it is still very important. To do so, you only need to fake being a psychopath or being depressed. You know those articles saying, “Signs that you are depressed” or “Signs that you might be a psychopath”? Pick anyone of it, share it on your Facebook and say “Oh my god. This is so relatable to me” People will send you prayers immediately and you will get a special treatment from your friends and your family.

Screen Shot 2017-08-27 at 9.48.07 PM.png

Now that you had successfully become an idiot, follow me on Twitter and spread the word.

UPDATE: As I’m about to post this, I think I might regret this post later on but I don’t give a damn


6 thoughts on “How To Be Stupid (Professional Advice)

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